Winner for rudest student....

My first period class is just plain icky. They are whiny, negative, rude, immature, and constantly cop and attitude. I've had it, totally over it. But this morning one of those shining stars hit a new low... I'm sitting at my desk at 6:45AM (it's bad enough that I'm at work at that unGodly hour) furiously grading the 125 tests/essays that were turned in yesterday (3 days before finals) when a student saunters over to my desk with his ipod blaring in his ears and a doo-rag oh-so-fashionably tied around his head and has the AUDACITY to ask "what'd I get on my test?" (Keep in mind all of these were turned in/completed yesterday and I only have 2 hands) When I chuckled and said, I'm flattered you think there's anyway I could have gotten all of this grading done in one evening but I have no idea what you got on your test because it hasn't been graded. Are you ready for this.... he then looks at me like I have three heads and says, "What?!?! What were you doing all day yesterday then?!?!?!" Oh I about lost it- "EXCUSE ME? Are you trying to piss me off so that I'll grade your test for every little thing you could have possibly lost points for? Or do you want to walk out right now and come back later with a better, more respectful, polite attitude? Or do you even know how to act like that? Now Get out right now and don't be late to class." And that was only the beginning... first period hadn't even started yet.... 4 more days.

I see the light...

Only one full week of classes left, and then four days of final exams (3 of those are half days) until Christmas break!!!! This has been a crazy, but wonderful semester... but I am so looking forward to two weeks off (actually only 13 days, but that's a whole different blog... stupid county calendar!)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Free Rice... the Phenomenon

Ok- a friend from school passed this along and it's become a new obsession when avoiding work/grading/copying/planning/disciplining... For every vocabulary word you answer correctly the UN donates 10 grains of rice to help end world hunger! Maybe it's because I'm an English teacher, but it's easy to get addicted. And, Hey- you're feeding the hungry. :)

Click here to play:

3 more weeks....

Monday morning came early this week... When I was a student I had no idea that my teachers were probably dreading going back to school after a holiday break even more than the students were. There is just over 3 weeks until Christmas break (not including 3 days of final exams... aka absolute mayhem)... and it's unbelievable how much I'm counting down the seconds until then. Even after 5 days off for Thanksgiving!! I was venting with my teacher next door (good friend from grad school) this morning and we both commented that we feel like we put so much work into this job, try so hard to be enthusiastic, come up with engaging lessons, etc. etc. and most days it's like teaching to a brick wall (one that's facing backwards talking to it's neighbor or asleep!). The lack of motivation and complete disregard for the importance of working hard and earning good grades is baffling to me. I guess because I was a very self-motivated kid/student I just don't understand how so many of my students could care less about even turning work in, let alone doing their best on it. I have yet to figure out how to motivate my students... I'd consider it a win just to get them to walk in class without complaining and whining about something. For once please just come in the room, sit down calmly, and pretend like you want to learn something today. They don't pay me to babysit and I refuse to resort to that. But if Christmas break doesn't get here quickly I'm gonna be the richest babysitter around... ;)

My first hate mail... I'm officially a teacher.

As I'm beginning to count down the days until Thanksgiving and Christmas break (gosh I need a day off!) I began my morning like I do every morning... I turn on my computer, check my email and make sure everything is ready to go for the day. This morning I had an email from a parent asking for a progress report so he could make sure his son had caught up on all his missed work (b/c of ISS, OSS, and surgery back in early October). I, like any sympathetic and hard-working teacher would do, responded that I really enjoyed having his son in my class and that his son is very bright. I also shared that while the student is very smart, he is not performing at the level I know he's capable of and that I can't seem to find the magic way of motivating him to get his work done and do good work. The email I sent was very polite, positive, and simply seeking the Dad's help for any ideas he had for motivating the kid. So, I sent it and went on with my day. A few hours later I got the meanest, rudest, most absurd email in response from the same father. Now that the red haze has cleared from my vision and I'm getting over my anger, I thought I'd share a few of the ridiculous accusations b/c in reality they are rather funny... we do not get paid enough to be blamed for the laziness of our students. To all my new teacher friends out there... there are crazy people in this world, check this out: (**names were changed, spelling/grammar mistakes were not eidted, and keep in mind I've only included the highlights...)

"I also don't understand is why you would
not give full credit for his missing assignments, and why you wouldn't
be giving him all the opportunity you could to help him do his best in
your HONORS class...especially under his medical circumstances. What
really upsets me is how you could honestly write me, "I just can't
seem to get him motivated to perform at the level I KNOW he's capable
of. "
"Especially, if you are not helping him pass. How is giving very little credit for
missing work and not allowing retests when Tom was stoned out of his
mind in October. Why would he be motivated? Would you?"

"I can't help you guys(he's referring to another teacher for some reason here...) You both baffle me. I find your situation laughable! Rediclous! ABsurd and some how you are just as responsible
as Tom for the problem with motivation. It's your class. It's your
reputation. You have the power to fail Tom. I am tired of dealing
with it. Tom LOVES LA (he says he likes you) and he LOVES music. So
whatever is happening in the 40 minutes a day you two (again, me and orchestra teacher...)have him is a mystery to me."
"You need to get him out of Honors LA - if you can't pass an HONOR student."
"It's like complaining about Hemmingway not wanting to
pass LA or the Beattles just don't like Orchstra. I see genuis in
Tom whenit coems to these subjects."
"You two guys are in the twilight zone with Tom. I find talking
to him very easy. Try talking to whom. He is passing al the other
subjects he's not passionate about. Only you can resolve this. (this is a lie, the only classes he's passing are mine and orchestra....)
If you want ot help Tom help him. If you want to fail him - that is
your choice. He will pass sumer school and he will contiue to enjoy
music. There is nothing that you, Me or Dr. orchestra teacher can do to stop
Tom from making a living using music or LA skills. I don't know
about Mr. Counselor but I am sick of hearing about it from two teachers
that should be enjoying Tom."

When I went back to school to become a teacher, I never dreamed that there would be parents that could rationalize in their minds that it's MY fault their kid is lazy and unmotivated and not doing well in class. And all this about a student I enjoy in class and have a great teacher-student relationship with...
I'm not really sure why I just posted this, but I guess I just want someone else to get as good of a laugh as I'm getting at this parents' lunacy.
And if you are wondering if I'll respond to his email, the answer is N-O.

A case of the Mondays...

Ever feel like the whole world (and by whole world I mean 120 students) is actually TRYING to annoy you? Every question, every sound, every look.... I have a HUGE case of the Mondays. Ten minutes into first period today I had already yelled at two kids (one for saying "that's f***ed up to the kid next to him b/c he smacked him) and taken one into the hall for calling me a liar in front of the entire class b/c I wouldn't accept his vocabulary homework late. There are just some days that I don't feel cut out for this for very long. I try to remind myself that they are just children. They have SO many insecurities and fears and are all trying to keep up appearances (as am I!)... but there are days when it's hard to look past the attitude, disrespect, ungratefulness, lack of motivation and responsibility and remember that I am making a difference, even if they don't realize it and I can't see it.
And NO I did not spend my entire weekend grading the make-up work that YOU didn't turn in the first time around. I'll get to it when I have a chance this time around.

"Chillax Ms."

When I decided to get my teaching degree and brave the world of high schoolers... I felt fairly confident that I was still young enough to be able to relate to my students on their level and that I was maybe only a few cool points behind most of them. Well, I found myself sorely mistaken last week in front of 30 15 year olds. I can't even remember what we were discussing but all I know is I got flustered/frustrated, was probably trying to do 12 things at once, mustered up all my courageous coolness... and blurted out, "guys, can you please take, like, a calm down pill or something...." Immediately I heard it play back in my mind... "a calm down pill??" Seriously? Please tell me that didn't come out of my mouth. But, unfortunately, it did... and in the next second 28 of the 30 burst out laughing AT me (no, not with me) while the class clown proudly informed me that it's called a "chill pill," not a "calm down pill." Thus came the harsh realization that no, I am not "chill" and I definitely need to learn how to "chillax."

On another note, I'm home sick today for the first time this year. I went to school this morning thinking a stomach bug would pass... but it did not and an angel in the form of a substitute showed up before first period even started and relieved me of my daily saving the world duties. Aside from the occasional fearful thought for the sub, I have thoroughly enjoyed laying on my couch today and nursing myself back to physical and mental health. It's amazing what one "chillaxing" day can do for the self.

"Bert's Big Thank You"... High School style

Since I won the 5:30 club on my morning radio show, the Bert Show (I recommend it to all!), I have felt especially indebted to my morning show friends for making the 30 minute drive at 5:45 less than miserable (not to mention my $100 gift card to a Buckhead restaurant!). So, when I heard they were trying to collect 375,000 letters to send to the troops before Thanksgiving I knew I wanted to help. Since I see 120something students every day, and they have to do what I tell them (theoretically), I had the bright idea of having them each write a letter of encouragement and thanks to a soldier. I have to admit, I had my concerns that they'd give me the usual "this is dumb," "can we do something fun?!" and "do i have to's"... but I must say most everyone was willing and sincere. As students were turning their letters in to me, I read through them briefly and there were many times that I had to take a deep breath and remind myself it would be VERY uncool to cry in front of my students! Much of what they wrote was so heartfelt and thoughtful, which was so encouraging to me as their teacher to watch them think of someone other than themselves and their own high school dramas. I thought I'd share a few of my favorite lines: **I tried to be true to the original spelling....sorry

"I'm a high school student and especially these days I try to be involved with God. I think the best advice I can give you is to pray"
"Thanx 4 goin across the world to defeat the bad guys. Bust a cap 4 me!"
"I'm a h.s. student writing a paper because I love to write... cough... But it's ok because I get to write to a soldier so it's a good use of time. It must suck in the desert with all the sand everywhere." (Gotta love em...)
"I wish I could help you more. God bless you guys. Or may the force be with you or whatever you beleave in."
"We love you back home and can't wait for you to return! Mr. Soldier, please stay safe."
"I honestly don't know how you do it. You change the world and what you're doing is just great and truly amazing.... Did you know that EVERY night before I go to sleep I think about my day and then I think about the future and the whole world and how the world is and it all leads to you. :) You make a difference in everything."
"Dear Soldier, You are one of the coolest people out there. I think you are way cooler than celebrities, singers, and sports athletes."
"I know keeping your head up night and day may not be easy in the environments you're in right now but I ask that you just think about the lives you are saving and have the strength to continue to fight for your/our country."
"p.s. kick their a**es and come home safe"
"A lot of people have bad things to say about the war in Iraq. I don't think they realize that the only reason that they are allowed to say that is because of the people who fight for our freedom."
"Because you are fighting so hard somewhere around the world, we can stand straight, look up at the sky, and smile. Thank you, Thank you."
"Have fun killing the bad guys, because I know I would."
"Hello fellow soldier, thank you very much for defending usa and kiling those bad people that can't play nice...p.s. if you get a chance if you can put on one of the buildings saying jacob owns this..."
"It takes an unbelievably brave man to do that. Your tombstone should be made of gold."

Teacher "Workday"

So.... teacher workdays really aren't "workdays"... nope, they are "meeting days." Thanks.

"Mees," "Miss Um," "Ms Uh....Mayfield"

So... the first 9 weeks of my first year of teaching have brought with them a number of surprises. Let me first explain the title of this blog and the post: I see 140 something students everyday, 5 periods in a row, and I know EVERY single one of their names (first AND last!). Yet still, the majority of my students can't seem to remember my name as anything other than "Mees" or "Miss," the occasional "Miss Um..." (indicating an attempt at recalling their favorite, and obviously most memorable teacher's name before leaving it at the 'Um' and continuing on with a ridiculous excuse for not having homework or daring to ask when I announced the quiz I'm about to give), and every so often the music to my ears: "Miss Uh... Mayfield?"... ding ding ding! You are the first one today to recognize the fact that, yes, I DO have a name. Next time lose the "uh" and the obvious question mark in your tone and I might shed a tear. I guess expecting my students to learn my name (only one out of 7 they have to learn each year) was a far too lofty goal. Thus, next year I will be Ms. Um Mayfield officially (a minor attempt to make myself feel more important).
The beginning of my first year of teaching has been as emotional, tiring, stressful, overwhelming, frustrating, and rewarding/wonderful as anyone ever warned me it would be. I've cried for my students, because of my students, and in spite of my students. But I've also laughed, a lot. And learned even more. Most notably, I am not nearly as cool as I thought I was in the eyes of 15 year olds. But, the Lord continues to give me patience, energy, and a growing ability to love the oftentimes unlovable. For now... Ms. Um :)